Or "Making Hot Peppers Burn You For Longer Periods Of Time"
I found the perfect recipe. At least it said it was perfect because the person claims to have worked on recipes for several weeks and finally settled on this one. Looking for recipes to make, this one popped up first and I said, well, let's give it a shot.
First thing: 3lbs of Jalapeño Peppers. I do not have a scale, and being extra friendly it said that it would be about 60 peppers, or close to it, or you should really get a scale. I looked at the bowl of peppers, started chopping off the stems, and chopping up the peppers. The recipe said that I should cut the peppers with a mandolin, stood there a moment or two and laughed at myself when I realized that it was not the eight-string instrument that was in the other room, but was better known as a "cutter". I began with the first pepper, slide, slide, slide....and ouch. That was when I got a band aid, put it across the "filet-de-finger", cleaned up any little bits, and chose instead the small paring knife.
When I was about through with the bowl I was working on, in my mind I had driven a highway of wonderful beauty, counted the trees, considered what eggs would be like if they were half boiled and half fried, and then considered that the peppers were all cut up. I stood there aghast. I had no idea. I finally realized I must count the stems, so I dug them out of the trash and it was 74 so I knew I was close. Then lots of hand washing later, it was back to business.
My hands really started tingling. Especially the one that had been mandolined.
Then it told me to get:
2 cups cider vinegar
6 cups white granulated sugar
Which I placed in the 6 qt pan and turned the heat up about halfway, and then added:
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
I sent about 7 minutes looking this up on the internet and was sort of satisfied with what it was but had no idea why I was using it, and then:
1/2 teaspoon celery seed
Which made no sense at all, then put in:
• 3 teaspoons granulated garlic
Which it turned out it is one choice of garlic spice that is not combined with salt, or leaves, very large pieces of garlic, or has to be chopped, because it is already granulated and dried and then :
1 teaspoon ground cayenne pepper. This is for the yum factor it said...2 teaspoons seemed to work best since the phone rang and I had to answer it and didn't remember whether I had put it in.
Then it all became a bit convoluted because it said to bring it to a boil, a 'rolling' boil, which it said is enough to keep boiling even after you turned the heat down. For 6 minutes. Then turn the heat back up to 'rolling' again, and add the peppers. Then turn the heat down for exactly 4 minutes, not 3 or 5 or 6 but 4, and then place your peppers in the half pint jars using a large slotted spoon.
Then turn the heat back up and let it boil for 6 minutes.
I was wiping down the jars that had juice slopped on them and I noticed that the t-towel had great yellow stains of the ground mustard that was in the recipe (1/2 tsp) that I left out of the above instructions, and it looked like there were 12 tsp of yellow mustard stain now gracing the great white t-towel with blue stripes.
The juices almost boiled over the top, which was a disaster I had been introduced to before, so I cut the heat, moved the pan and filled each 1/2 pint jar with the liquid, put the lids on, and placed them in the boiling pot that I had working on the stove since I had begun.
Ten minutes later I used my jar getter-outter placed the 5 half pint jars on the clean table cloth, and started cleaning up. I know this has gone on, but there were nine different tools, two cloths, two pot holders, a cutting board, a now broken and thrown away mandolin, six bottles of spices and various and assorted other bits of cooking utensils that had to be put away, cleaned, washed, etc...
There they were. 5 jars, 1/2 pint jars, lids on, popping one at a time to indicate their seal. The recipe said 10 minutes prep, 15 minutes making time. I was well into my second hour of work, my hands still were hurting from the pepper juices that had flowed so freely, and the kitchen looked like a bunch of little kids and been let loose.
"Store the peppers for 1 month before opening." It literally said that. So, at the end of August we shall see the culmination of these efforts. Oh, and I washed the mustardy t-towel and it came clean!
Ralph Peck
Photo by Ralph Peck
Claremore Oklahoma
My Hands Are Still Tingling
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